How to Stay Grounded When You Feel Stressed →

Grounding techniques are a great way to anchor yourself in the present moment during times of stress, panic, or anxiety.

The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise is a great intervention to use when you experience anxiety or panic or feel overwhelmed. In this practice you build body awareness by tapping into your senses and environmental awareness by becoming aware of things you normally take for granted. Try to stay curious about all sensations as they arise.

1. Notice five things that you can see in your immediate surroundings. If you are outside, you may want to look at the grass, a tree, or a bird. If you are indoors, you can draw your attention to nearby objects such as furniture or photos. Really look at them and see them in a nonjudgmental way.

2. Listen for four distinct sounds. First, notice the sounds that are most distant from you, such as a car driving past. Then focus on the sounds closer to you, perhaps the hum of the air conditioning or a clock ticking.

3. Touch three things. These things could be furniture, the fabric of your clothing, a stone, or your own skin. Notice the texture, temperature, and other qualities of each item.

4. Notice two things that you can smell, such as soap in the bathroom or a cup of coffee. Focus on the aromas.

5. Be aware of the taste in your mouth, or take small bite or sip of something and notice the flavors.

*Excerpted from Mindfulness Workbook for Panic Attacks: Healing Strategies to Reduce Anxiety, Manage Panic, and Live in the Moment

Simple Tools for Relieving Stress

It’s no secret that we are living in intense times. It’s only natural for us to experience feelings of overwhelm as we manage our reactions to a global pandemic, the brutality of systemic racism, seemingly unending political strife, the ravages of climate change, and the steady drumbeat of the 24-hour news cycle. Now more than ever, we need to understand how our nervous system responds to stress and to build a practical toolkit to help us manage our various emotional states. 

Our nervous system has three primary ways of coping with stress: 

Social engagement can be a healthy strategy for keeping ourselves feeling calm and connected. Interacting with someone who feels safe and receptive to our needs can put the brakes on some of our stress responses. A simple touch, eye contact, and attentive listening can go a long way in soothing our nervous system. 

When we feel the need to defend ourselves, our primal “fight or flight” response kicks into high gear.  We mobilize and our body prepares to protect itself. Our sympathetic nervous system releases a flood of stress hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline. Our heart beats faster, our muscles tense, and our breath quickens. All of these changes are intended to increase our strength and stamina, increase our reaction time, and enhance our focus. 

Immobilization, sometimes called the “freeze” response, is considered to be the most primitive response to stress. It occurs when we determine (consciously or unconsciously) that social engagement and mobilization are not an option. We can freeze, dissociate, or essentially “leave” the body to protect ourselves from extreme stress or danger. Think of the animal that “plays dead” to protect itself from a predator. 

During a typical day, we may move through variations of any of these three states. We may start the day feeling calm, but minutes after leaving the house, we can find ourselves startled, scared, and angry when someone cuts us off in traffic. Later on in the day, after we’ve calmed down from our traffic debacle, we may start “doomscrolling” through the news and social media and become overwhelmed and depressed by what we see and feel disconnected, dejected, and powerless. And on the cycles go!  

So, what can we do? Here are a few basic tools to help you work with your nervous system in moments of stress. 

If you feel activated/triggered/angry/anxious: 

Left nostril breathing: 

Left nostril breathing connects us to the right hemisphere of the brain, and can help us calm down and relax. 

How to do it: Block of your right nostril and breathe long, slow, and deep through the left nostril for 1-3 minutes. 

Grounding exercise: 

Grounding exercises help bring us into the present moment and can help calm a racing mind. 

How to do it: This exercise is sometimes called the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Work backwards from 5, using your senses to notice what is around you. For instance, pick five objects you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. 

Sitali Pranayam: 

Sitali Pranayam is a breathing technique that can help us alleviate anger and frustration. 

How to do it: Stick out your tongue and curl your tongue. If you cannot curl your tongue (it’s genetic, so don’t worry if you can’t!), simply round your mouth as though you are sipping through a straw. Inhale through a curled tongue and exhale through your nose. Continue 1-3 minutes. 

If you feel depressed/lonely/apathetic/unfocused:

Right nostril breathing: 

Right nostril breathing connects us to the left hemisphere of the brain, and may give us a boost of energy as well as aid in our ability to focus. 

How to do it: Block off your left nostril and breathe long, slow, and deep through the right nostril for 1-3 minutes. 

Breath of Joy: 

Breath of Joy is a simple, yoga-inspired exercise that is designed to invigorate your entire body.  

How to do it: 

1. Stand tall with your feet shoulder-distance apart and parallel. Soften your knees so that they are slightly bent. 
   
   2. Inhale one-third of your lung capacity and swing your arms up to shoulder height, with your palms facing up.
   
   3. Continue inhaling to two-thirds capacity and swing your arms out to the side in a “T” shape, keeping the arms at shoulder level. 
   
   4. Inhale to full lung capacity and swing your arms parallel and above your head (palms face each other).
   
   5. Exhale completely with a “haaaaa” sound. As you do so, bend your knees, fold over your legs, and let the arms swing slightly back behind you. 

Repeat several times without strain – please listen to what feels appropriate for your body. 

4-7-8 Breath

The 4-7-8 breath is a simple exercise that helps us relax and relieve stress. 

How to do it: Inhale through your nose for a count of 4. Hold your breath in for a count of 7. Exhale through your mouth, making a whooshing sound, for 8 counts. Repeat this cycle 4-5 times. 

How Yoga Nidra Helps Us Heal

What is Yoga Nidra?

Yoga nidra, often referred to as “yogic sleep”, is a step-by-step guided meditation that is designed to release stress from the body. It is an age-old meditative technique that does not involve acrobatic poses or complicated breathing – all it requires is for one to lie on the floor or sit in a chair quietly. Yoga nidra is particularly valuable because it is open to all and accessible to those with limited mobility, chronic pain, or chronic illnesses.

How does it work?

Typically led by a yoga teacher or other trained professional, a yoga nidra practitioner begins the practice by becoming aware of their body and the various sensations within it. This is followed by a body scan, when one rotates their awareness through each part of the body. Once a deeper awareness, or “witness mind” is created, the practitioner focuses on their breath, often slowing it down to create a deeper sense of calm and relaxation in the body.

From here, one experiments with creating different sensations or emotional states in the body. For example, one may work to create a sense of heat in the body, followed by a sense of cold -- or perhaps one creates a state of joy, followed by a state of pain. As the process continues, one is led through various visualizations that are often geared towards creating a state of self-healing.

 At the beginning and the end of practice, one sets a sankalpa, or intention, for their practice. It is believed that by setting intentions during a deep state of relaxation, one is planting the seed for change in the future.

Why practice yoga nidra?

This practice, while simple, can have profound results. A body scan and focused awareness on the different states of the body builds mindful awareness, while changing breath patterns can influence heart rate variability, which can reduce stress and increase resiliency. While one’s brain is typically in alpha waves just before sleep, yoga nidra is shown to extend the brain’s alpha wave state. During this state, progressive relaxation can occur. Remaining in the borderline between wakefulness and deep sleep can feel deeply restful, which provides a natural antidote to heightened anxiety and stress.

Additionally, when one focuses on creating different emotional states or visualizes various scenarios, they may be able to develop a greater sense of agency and emotional mastery. Setting positive intentions can help reframe negative thought patterns, as we train the mind to choose relaxation and look for what is beautiful and whole. While the exact reason for change is not known, several studies have indicated that mindfulness meditation can help a variety of psychiatric, psychosomatic, and stress-related conditions. It is possible that yoga nidra helps us  heal on a deep, psychic level.

Trauma's Double Bind

Lately I’ve been pondering the “double bind” that trauma creates. One of the tragedies of trauma is that it puts us in an untenable position: one must share one’s story, but the story is simply too terrible to tell. I remember one of my college professors once speculating, “Perhaps shame is the mechanism that creates the double bind.” Shame keeps us locked into a tricky place. It makes us afraid to share with others, yet isolating and moving through these issues alone may only serve to make us feel more alone and unworthy -- thus increasing our sense of shame. Without appropriate intervention, shame has the capacity to create a vicious downward spiral.

In our American society that fetishizes strength and independence through John Wayne movies, Marlboro Man posters, and common phrases such as “Pull yourself up by the bootstraps!” and “Go it alone!”, how do we internalize that telling our traumatic story is not an act of weakness, but actually an act of strength? Even further, how do we internalize that we are not to blame for a traumatic act happening in the first place? On some level, we may believe in our own culpability – we should have changed something, we should have done something different. Even if the traumatic event was entirely out of our hands, it is still frightening to admit that we were genuinely powerless in that moment. Perhaps the weight of that powerlessness is simply too much for some of us to bear – we would prefer to believe in our own independence, omnipotence, and strength at all costs -- even if it forces us to believe that we had a hand in our own trauma.

So I wonder, what is the role of the therapist? Certainly a key role would be in challenging the validity of shame. I am curious to know the ways in which my clients may hold themselves accountable for their trauma. Do they think they could have done something different? Do they time travel and play “what if” games with themselves? Do they think, deep down, that they deserved this?

As someone who works somatically, I am also curious to know how shame is perpetuated and held in the body. I have often seen it manifest as rounded shoulders and a collapsed heart, like a turtle retreating into its shell. However, the head is often thrust forward, a constant reminder that one has to stay vigilant and be prepared for an attack. If these physical patterns are unwound, I wonder what kind of grief lurks underneath that armor.

When it all comes down to it, I feel that, as a therapist, a large part of trauma work is the having the capacity to contain grief. Huge, overwhelming, unbelievable grief. Can we simply be with a client when they want to shake their fists and the sky and scream, “WHY?” Can we create a container for the safe expression of grief, as well as simultaneously hold hope for our client to get better? While there are many tools to help one move through trauma - cognitively, emotionally, somatically – I believe that at the baseline, a client must feel our care and hope for them. Softening into the nurturance of a caring therapist may be the counterbalance to the cultural insistence on strength and autonomy, and give us the one of the things that all human beings need – hope.

Stressed Out? Connect with Your Breath.

Though many of us give little thought to our breath throughout the day, the act of breathing is indeed profound. Breath links us to the deepest parts of ourselves, and is the foundation of our life. As we leave the comfort of our mother’s womb, the doctor’s slap on the back forces us to take our first gasp of breath – a single breath that has enough force to reverse our blood flow and start us down our path in the unknown, outside world.

One doesn’t have to stretch the imagination too far to see how our breathing affects us in daily life. If you think back to a time in which you were shocked, you may have found that you held your breath -- or maybe when anxious, your breath became shallow and rapid. If we are depressed we often sigh aloud, trying to release the oppressive energy within us. Breath is the seat of our emotion. 

When we are under stress and our emotions run amok, it often creates the “fight or flight” response in the body, firing up our sympathetic nervous system. We produce adrenaline, our hormones go haywire – essentially we gear up for a fight. The problem is, many of us walk around in this state of anxiety and tension all day – without ever letting go of “the fight”. Long, deep breathing can shift us back into balance. A simple long, deep breath can do wonders – stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system, or what is known as the “relaxation response” in the body. Learning how to control the breath is key in stress relief.

The next time you find yourself stressed or anxious, try one of these simple breathing techniques: 

Left nostril breathing: Sit comfortably. Block off your right nostril with your thumb and breathe long and deep through your left nostril for 1-3 minutes. This helps to slow down the mind and body, and is also great for insomnia. 

Anti-anxiety breathing: Sit comfortably or lie down on your back. Inhale through your nose, and exhale through a rounded mouth. Then inhale through a rounded mouth (as though you are sipping through a straw) and exhale through your nose. Continue for 3 minutes. 

Try to become very mindful of your breath as you practice these two exercises. As you become more attuned to the subtleties in your breath, you can see how you can affect both your physical and mental well being with your breath.