How to Work with the "Three Ps": Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis
/If you often find yourself in a vicious cycle where perfectionism leads to procrastination, and procrastination leads to paralysis or just giving up, you are not alone. Many creatives and high achieving individuals regularly find themselves stuck in this trap. While it may seem hopeless at times, you can break this cycle.
Perfectionism is like a friend that you think is on your side but is secretly rooting for your demise — don’t listen to it! Perfectionism shows up in different ways for different people, but is basically defined by setting unrealistically high standards for oneself — and often other people too. People who struggle with perfectionism are often deeply afraid of criticism or failure, and often tie their self worth to their achievements.
Ironically, this style of black and white thinking often leads us straight to procrastination and puts us further away from our goals. If anything less than perfect is a failure, why get started at all? Anxiety about our perceived imperfections, the awkwardness of not knowing exactly what we are doing, and the possibility of failure can cause us to avoid starting altogether. Procrastinating and putting things off becomes a short-term strategy for managing anxiety and other uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.
However, as tasks and deadlines pile up and those emails, calls, projects, decisions, and life changes loom, our anxiety mounts, and we can start to feel overwhelmed and trapped. In that moment, we may become dysregulated to the point where our body and mind simply say, “Nope! Not doing that!” This is not laziness — it is a freeze response, which is is a primary way that our bodies and minds evolved to handle stress. But it can be frustrating and keep us feeling stuck and unable to move forward.
So — what can you do to interrupt this cycle?
Break things down into MUCH smaller steps. There’s an old expression that if something seems like it’s too much, it’s probably because the first step is too big.
Challenge black and white thinking. See if you can find a gentle reframe that encourages growth and learning as opposed to total perfection, i.e. “It’s better to start and learn along the way.”
Practice self compassion. Remind yourself that many people have struggled with this issue, you are not alone, and that you are likely your own harshest critic. Are there any kind or encouraging words that you can say to yourself now? What would you say to a friend or a loved one?
Use body-based, somatic exercises to become grounded and reduce stress. When you become overwhelmed, take a break. Slow your breath down (try inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 7 counts, and exhaling for 8 counts). Engage in gentle movement such as a walking or yoga to reconnect with your body.
Try therapy or coaching. Sometimes we find ourselves “stuck” in certain belief systems or patterns that could be related to deeper belief systems, societal conditioning, or difficult life experiences. Working with a coach or therapist may help you unpack some of these beliefs and form new narratives and healthy new habits.
The next time you find yourself in the “Three Ps”, see if you can take a step back and offer yourself some compassion and encouragement. You are not broken, you’ve just been trying to protect yourself in a way that isn’t so helpful anymore. Take a breath, and see if you can try to focus on the step-by-step process rather than the end result.